369 - Life is unfair
by Writing is Necessary
Summary: Kira loves Hisagi. Hisagi loves Abarai. Abarai loves Kira. And life is unfair, because we never have what we want. KiraxHisagi; RenjixKira, HisagixRenji; unrequited love - Yaoi
1. 3 - Life is unfair

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Bleach or any Bleach character.

**Warnings: **This story won't be a happy one. It will contain strong language, sexual situations/talk and suicidal thoughts/attempts.

**Author's Note:** This is a three-chapter birthday gift for the lovely, utter, mega, ultra amazing **ExtinctionOfReality**! We both share the love for 369 and angst, so here it is, a mix of both =D

I hope you enjoy the chapter. This was not beta-ed, I apologize for any mistake.

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**369 – Life is unfair.**

Chapter 1 –**_ 3 -Life is unfair_**

Life was unfair. Some people had everything, others had nothing. It was the basic rule of life. In any world or realm, where was happiness there was also sadness, where was wealth there was also poverty, when there's love there was also hate. It was a life of polar opposites. Black and white. And Kira knew that there was no such thing as _grey area_, this was just an excuse for those who didn't want to accept the truth – that life only worked for some and was extremely partial to others.

Sure, he had been raised in a wealthy environment, and amongst his close friends Kira had been the one with the best childhood, but he also had the most to lose. Abarai, Hisagi or Matsumoto, they were all orphans that never met their parents, they had to take care of themselves from young age, with no one to educate them, nurture them or kiss them goodnight. Kira had that, he had loving parents who wanted the best for him. And he lost them. Life was unfair because he had known love and lost it, while the others – who had craved for some family to raise them – had no idea what was to lose a parent.

Kira had end up alone, and with no skills besides his brain and his reiatsu sensitivity. He didn't know how to feed himself like Abarai, Hisagi or Matsumoto, he didn't know how to protect himself when no one was watching his back. While the others learned how to survive all of those things, he only learned that life was unfair, because it showed him unconditional love and then took it abruptly from him.

It was best to not have known love at all.

But that changed. Over the years, Kira had discovered that family could be consisted by the ones around you, not necessarily blood relatives. Most families in Soul Society were made by random people who just got along well. Like Abarai and Kuchiki Rukia. They were family, much more than Rukia and Kuchiki Byakuya. Their bond was stronger than blood or in this case a name. And it was the same with him. Kira was born within the Kira clan, and though he felt really proud of it, he also considered his friends to be his family, there was no difference between blood and friendship.

But life was still unfair.

He had discovered unconditional love again, but this time he was the one loving. And he was not loved back. He was liked, but not loved. And it hurt so much, it made him sick.

He couldn't compare the loss of his parents with his unrequited love, but in the end the pain was similar, like his heart was stabbed in the exact same place it was before.

Kira knew his friend would never deny him, but he also knew Hisagi would only be with him because he was kind. That was the type of man Hisagi was. Selfless and stupid. He would please him because he couldn't dare to break a close friend. Especially him, who was as broken so many times.

Unlike Kira, the Ninth division Fukutaichou believed in the _grey area_. He believed that there was something between good and bad, and that sometimes bad things needed to happen for good things to come. That the end justified the means.

However, Kira knew better. There was nothing that could change a written path. And yes, his path was written the moment he was born. It was decided that he would born the moment his parents fell in love, it was decided that his parents would die the moment that virus was created and they were infected. It was decided he would lose Ichimaru the instant the silver fox laid eyes on him. And it was decided he would love Hisagi the moment they almost died together, when they were protecting each other. It was a matter of chemicals and mathematical variations that controlled his life. The amount of reishi is body was made, the amount of reiatsu he could expel and control, all of these plus his weight and height, and amount of steps he took that day, the amount of times he stopped to greet other Shinigamis, this led all to where he was now – the top of the hill in the Ninth Division barracks.

It was fate that brought him here, it was fate that made him met Hisagi there, and it would be fate that would make Hisagi break him.

Life was unfair and so was this kind man.

Hisagi smiled when he appeared. His grey eyes were uneasy, though, as if something was tormenting his mind.

"Hey," the brunet greeted.

"Hello, Hisagi-san."

"Is there something you need?" the question strangely hurt him, he had no idea why. Maybe he didn't want Hisagi to think he only came because he needed help or ask a favor.

"Not really. I was just walking by," Kira said sitting next to the other man.

"Okay," just that. The word stung through the blond. He knew Hisagi was probably aware of his feelings, which didn't make him less nervous. It was hard to deal with Hisagi in these conditions. The lack of conversation made Kira wonder if he came in the right time. Or maybe Hisagi was doing on purpose avoiding conversation with him.

Silliness. Hisagi wasn't like that.

He could confess now... Hisagi wouldn't deny him, but that would be unfair for him, because he didn't like him back. Confessing or not, fate would be unfair for one of them. Kira preferred to be the victim of the cruel destiny.

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

Hisagi thought for a bit, and then nodded in return.

"Yeah," it was almost like a whisper. Liar.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Hisagi smiled again. "I know. You are a good person, Kira."

The blond smiled back, but his heart ached. He was craving for good words, but those weren't enough. He just needed someone who would make him feel the most important person in the world, even if it was for one single second!

And it was that dreadful, despicable craving that made him say those three dream-shattering words.

"I love you."

Hisagi didn't move, or was surprised. _He already knew. _He simply said, "I'm sorry". And Kira broke completely inside, because not only life was unfair, but his mind played tricks on him, and made him believe Hisagi would be kind enough to at least try something with him.

He was a fool, and now he ruined everything.

Nothing else was said, and Kira felt as if his body was shattering, his skin dissolving, leaving only bone. And the bones would eventually turn to dust. He felt like he was disappearing and was no longer needed.

And he wasn't.

Several minutes had pass since Hisagi spoke, and Kira cut the calm environment as he got up and prepared to leave.

"Kira," Hisagi called as the blond turned his back to him.

"It's okay," he replied and left without hearing any other word. This was the last time he was going to hear his voice.

He didn't know where to go, and he didn't care. His feet were walking on their own. The sky was turning dark, so dark he couldn't see anything. He wondered how could a man like him ever considered that Hisagi wouldn't deny him. How? How couldn't he predict that Hisagi didn't want him? All the probabilities, the odds, everything was in favor of him being accepted. Where did he miss? What did Hisagi hid from him?

And it hit him. Hisagi was in love with someone else. It was the only thing that could make him deny Kira.

The blond silently cried in the dark night where there was nothing but trees and tall walls. He didn't care anymore. Life was unfair and he couldn't deal with that, he was too weak and too tired. He was liked but not loved, no one loved him and for so many decades he waited and waited for a soul to love him unconditionally. He was feeling the same pain he did when his parents died and Ichimaru abandoned him. He was alone and it was unbearable.

He was going to end it.

Right now, right there, in that dark place. He grabbed Wabisuke unsheathing it. He regretted not saying anything to Hinamori or Abarai... and Hisagi, he regretted not saying goodbye to him. He could still leave a farewell somewhere. With Wabisuke he cut his hand, and with the blood he wrote "I'm sorry" in the wall nearby. He moved a few steps away so he wouldn't splatter the blood and smudge his goodbye.

He breathed deeply, feeling the cold wind one last time. He closed his eyes. He thought for a few seconds about the poor soul that would find his dead body, hopefully wouldn't be anyone that he knew. It didn't matter he would be dead anyway.

"Raise your head, Wabisuke," he released his shikai, and put the hooked end around his neck. Nothing else mattered anymore. He couldn't deal with life any longer, and he believed that this was the best for everyone. No one else had to deal with him and his stupid feelings and cravings.

He closed his eyes and took one last deep breath.

"Kira?" his eyes shot widen open.

"What are you doing?" the figure in front of him asked. Tall and strong, like one of those ancient Greek statues in the human world. Red hair so bright it could be seen in the dark. His hands started to shake.

"A-Abarai-kun," he could only say.

"I sensed you releasing your zanpakutou, so I came here. What are you doing?" he asked again as he approached him, and he froze when be saw Wabisuke around Kira's neck.

"Kira? What..." his voice died.

It was embarrassing Kira being caught liked that, he had no idea what to do now.

"P-Please leave, Abarai-kun," he begged. But Abarai didn't leave and instead walk forward fast, grabbed Wabisuke and took it from Kira's hands with a strong grip. Kira felt so weak in that moment, like he was a small ant that could easily be crushed.

Those strong hands grabbed his shoulders and shook them. "What the hell you think you are doing?!"

The shaking blocked his thought process and he couldn't respond anything reasonable, his mouth opened and closed without having anything solid to say.

"I-I..." he looked up to Abarai's worried/pissed off face, and he broke down in front of him. He sobbed heavily like a small child, that's how he felt, so small and fragile.

Abarai hugged him close to his chest. He didn't judge him, and Kira was glad for that. He simply hugged him for what it looked like hours.

Eventually, Abarai took Kira home, made him go shower and made him tea. They were both in Kira's room, with hot tea in their hands. Kira's eyes were red and swollen from crying, he was feeling miserable.

"Well," the redhead spoke, "Are you going to tell me why you were planning on killing yourself?" his words were harsh, but Kira could comprehend why and know that they were full of concern. Still, Kira didn't answer anything.

"Kira, that was fucking selfish! What do you think would happen if I didn't show up?"

"I would be dead," his words sounded like venom.

"Yeah, dead! And what do you think would happen to us? What if it was Hinamori who found you? Without a head?"

"I don't th-"

"You were nearby the Fifth! Did you want to make her found someone close to her dead, _again_?"

He was nearby the Fifth? He didn't know.

"I-I didn't know, I didn't want to do that to her."

"Then why were you thinking in doing that? What about me? You were planning on dying and leaving me?"

"I wasn't, I-I..."

"And what about Hisagi?" Kira tensed hearing that name,"or Matsumoto? She already lost Ichimaru, you want her to lose you too?"

No, he didn't want to hurt her. Not even Hinamori or Abarai, but they all had something to hold on to. Abarai had Rukia, Hinamori had Histugaya-Taichou and Matsumoto had Hisagi. They were never going to be alone.

"It's fucking selfish! You were leaving us behind!"

"What about me?!" Kira burst. Abarai startled with the blond's reaction. "What about me? I'm already alone..." his voice broke down, "and I'm so tired of that."

"You're not alone," Abarai said, "I'm here for you. We all are."

"You are all busy, always. When Ichimaru-Taichou left, no one was here. And no one has been since then..." he looked down, "Only Hisagi-san."

"I know I have been a bit busy, but I'm always here for you. You are always in my mind. I also knew you weren't completely alone, because Hisagi was with you." The redhead breathed deeply, "You were holding him together too, it would be unfair to leave him."

Unfair? But life **was** unfair.

"He can handle things better than me. He doesn't need me anymore..."

"What are you talking about? Of course, he needs-"

"At least not the way I want him to," Kira completed his sentence. And Abarai turned white at that. "I know, I'm not the best looking man, but I really thought I had a chance with him... I don't know why, but I felt confident with him, because he made me feel like I was worth something. Yet, I was wrong and I miscalculated the fact he was only being my friend. I'm so foolish."

"Don't say that. No one can control who they love, right?" Abarai sadly said.

"I know..."

"But you are important to me. I would be devastated if something happened to you."

Kira closed his eyes to avoid more tears to come out, he didn't want to look so weak in front of his friend. He didn't want Abarai to feel bad or be devastated.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, just like Hisagi whispered to him and broke him to a thousand pieces.

"It's okay," and the answer burnt even more. "Just don't do that ever again. If you need someone, I'm here always. For anything."

And life was unfair because in that moment Kira noticed that death wasn't an escape to him. He was stuck in this world of sadness and hurt. He was in hell with no way out. He didn't want to hurt anyone.

He wish he had never knew love, because that way he would be able to live as a machine, a robot or and artificial soul with no wish for feelings or to be loved. Maybe that's how he should live now on...

Before Abarai left he made Kira promise never to try to kill himself again, and Kira made him promise to never tell anyone what happened.

If Kira was going to be a robot or an artificial soul, then he was going to need to cut his feelings for everyone from his life, and he would need to do it first, with the most important one – Hisagi-san. If he could do that, then he would be able to do it with anyone.

It was morning and he went to the Ninth Division Squad. He was going to do this, he was going to tell Hisagi that what was said the day before was a misunderstanding and that he loved him as a friend, he was going to make sure things weren't odd between them, and that conversation never had real impact. Just make Hisagi think he got things wrong.

Kira walked fast to the Fukutaichou office, and there with all the rest of his courage and energy he didn't wait and opened the door without announcing his presence.

And in that moment, Kira wondered why was** his** life so terribly unfair and made him have the guts to be rude and entering someone else's office without knocking exactly in that moment, because Hisagi and Abarai were half-naked, kissing right in front of him...

**To be continued...**

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**Two more chapters to come, with Hisagi's and Renji's POV. =)**

**Reviews are welcomed.^^**


	2. 6 - A lie for love

**Warnings: Strong language.**

**~I do realize Renji may sound a bit OOC, but the idea of a crazy Renji satisfies me more than it should... I think it is time for our redhead to be a bad boy, instead of best friend ;)**

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**369 – Life is unfair.**

Chapter 2 –_**6 – **__**A lie for love**_

Renji wasn't a deceiver. He wasn't the type of guy that lied or hid behind false ideals or personalities. He was a straight forwards man who would speak his mind without thinking twice. That was something he was proud of showing off, and it was one of his most known qualities.

And that was what made him feel like shit as he went to Hisagi's office.

He was still shaken about what happened with Kira. If he didn't show up in time... It was scary to think about it. The way the blond cried, was so intense and heartbreaking. He knew Kira wasn't happy for a while, but he had no idea how badly things were; but even more heartbreaking was the reason why Kira wanted to end his life...

Kira loved Hisagi.

The same Hisagi who loved Renji, and reminded him everyday with his '_I want you'_s and _'Be with me'_s. But Renji couldn't tell Kira, no. The same way he couldn't tell him how much he liked him, how many times he dreamed with him.

Kira was a lonely soul, but a beautiful one. He said he was tired of being alone, but Kira didn't notice the only reason he was alone was because he didn't let anyone get closer. Since Ichimaru left, he cut bonds with everyone, except Matsumoto and Hisagi. With Matsumoto, it was obvious why – she reminded him of Ichimaru, and that was the only thing they talked about. But with Hisagi, Renji always thought it was because both shared the same impact with the betrayal, but he was wrong. Kira became closer because he was in love.

That made him feel like crap, because no matter how occupied Renji was, all his spare time was spent with Kira, but he didn't even notice. He didn't see it all. All because he was fucking blind for Hisagi.

All the little things he had done to cheer Kira were in vain, nothing worked, and Kira didn't seem to want them to work. He tried to kill himself, and Renji wasn't even in his mind...

It was like he didn't exist.

But what was really fucked up was that Renji was afraid Hisagi would find out about Kira's suicide attempt, because if he knew about it, he would feel so damn guilty that he would pretend to love Kira and would be with him.

That couldn't fucking happen.

Renji wasn't going to let Hisagi be with Kira, and even if it was against his ideals, Renji would put a stop with a lie.

A strong dishonest lie, that was going to hurt Kira badly to protect his own heart. He didn't want to make the blond suffer, but this was like ripping a band-aid, it was best to destruct all hope in one go, than seeing Kira stuck with his feelings and try to terminate his life and eventually Hisagi giving in to him because he couldn't deal with the idea of his friend dying.

So he was going to make something he hoped he wouldn't regret. It was selfish but if he couldn't have Kira, no one else could.

It was early in the morning and Renji reached the Ninth Squad, where he was sure Hisagi was there already working. He spent the whole night at Kira's house, thinking about what he should do. He thought about just telling Kira the truth, but the blond wouldn't want him – he only wanted Hisagi, and it was hard to admit, but... Renji couldn't compare himself with someone who made Kira want to die. He also thought that if he carried the plan he was going to do, that Kira may try killing himself again, but that was where the true mission was – he was going to tell him in a way the blond would understand and wouldn't have the courage to make something horrible. If he truly loved Hisagi he would want him to be happy.

Renji was going to trick him and manipulate him, and he knew how wrong it was. But it was just a lie, a lie for love.

He knocked Hisagi's door, and a few seconds after the Ninth Division Fukutaichou opened it.

"Abarai," he said surprised.

"I need to talk to you."

Hisagi stared at him for a bit, and nodded opening the door completely for the other to enter.

"You thought about what I told you yesterday?" Hisagi joked. _Yesterday_, Hisagi decided to propose him to be friends with benefits, Renji _politely _declined.

"Actually, yeah," the redhead said, catching Hisagi by surprise.

"Really?"

"Really."

"And? What do you want to do?" Hisagi asked leaning against his desk with his arms crossed.

"I was thinking that maybe we could try..."

"Try what? Sex?"

So blunt. Hisagi could be weird sometimes, like he had a double-personality.

"I was thinking we could try the whole thing," Renji replied.

"You mean dating?"

Renji inhaled deeply, "Yeah, that's what I mean."

Hisagi looked suspicious for a while, "Why? What made you change your mind?"

Lies, lies, lies.

"Well, you know... It's not like I don't find you attractive, and we are good friends. It would be stupid of me not giving a good friend a chance." Hisagi's eyes widen when he heard the last part, and he looked down as if he was embarrassed.

"I wish I was as good as you," he said. And Renji felt fucking guilty. He could back down now, he was still on time. _'Just say you changed your mind'_.

"I'm not good," Renji said, he was a coward, a fucking, damned, stupid-fuck coward. And he wasn't able to stop this because if he did, Hisagi could give Kira a chance.

"Yes, you are," Hisagi said coming closer, "Thank you for giving me an opportunity." And he was so close now, Renji wasn't able to step back.

Hisagi reached his face with his hand, and slowly leaned his head to kiss him. The slow kiss became not so slow in a few seconds, and Renji found himself pinned against the wall as Hisagi kissed him senseless everywhere he could.

And Renji hated his lies even more, because he couldn't help but liking what the other was doing. Hisagi knew what to do, where to touch, and the idea Kira could be the one in his place drove him insane.

Renji had to keep Hisagi to himself and happy so his senpai would _never_ think about being with Kira.

So he kissed back, his hands instantaneously untying the brunet's obi. Kosodes and Shitagis were gone fast, and soon Hakamas started being moved down when...

… the door opened.

Both Hisagi and Renji stared at the person at the door, and Renji felt like he was a monster worse than a famine Hollow as he saw Kira petrified looking back at them.

Shit, this was not supposed to happen. Not like this, not now. He was supposed to tell Kira gently about _his feelings_ for Hisagi. And Kira was supposed to be sad, but glad that at least the one he loved was happy with Renji. But now, Kira saw them, not longer after he tried to kill himself...

The first to break the silence was Hisagi.

"Kira?"

And the blond's blue eyes looked at the grey ones and then looked at Renji's.

"You are a horrible person," Kira said, his voice was low, "Abarai-kun." And he turned around and left, leaving Renji shocked.

This was why he never lied, because lies always carried consequences, and sometimes lies could destroy lives and relations.

"Kira!" Hisagi called after the other left, and Renji stopped spacing out, and grabbed his clothes.

"Where are you going?" the other man asked him.

"After him," Renji said tying his obi.

"Don't, he may be surprised now, but he'll understand."

"He already understands, that's why I have to go," Renji replied, and left a confused Hisagi behind.

Renji followed the small trace of Kira's reiatsu. The blond used shunpo to runaway, it was harder to catch him this way, but Renji kept going after him.

Lies were a man's worst enemy, especially when they worked out.

Kira now knew Hisagi was off-limits, but he blamed Renji. It was like a punch in the face, and Renji expected something, he expected a slap, but not this way, not a full powered punch.

He kept going to wherever Kira's reiatsu was leading him to, and he realized that this path was familiar. It looked different with the daylight but the maze-like walls were clearly recognizable. This was where he found Kira last night about to decapitate himself. Renji's heart started frantically beating, he was afraid the blond wouldn't stick to his promise and would try to die again.

He ran faster, passing by a couple confused shinigami. He turned the curve and found him. Kira was in front of him, with his back to him. Slow and carefully, Renji walked towards him.

"Someone cleaned it," the blond said making him stop in his track. Of course, Kira knew he was behind him, Kira was always the best sensing others' reiatsu.

"Kira, please don't be mad at me," he asked.

"I wrote it here, and now it's gone," the blond continued ignoring what Renji said. "The blood is gone."

"Kira..." he went closer till he could reach him. "Please," he tried to grab his shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" the blond yelled, turning around. "You lied to me."

"Kira, I'm so sorry..."

"You knew I liked him and yet you... you..." he wasn't crying, but his features were worse than if he was. So much sorrow and despair, that Renji regretted everything he did. But it was too late now, wasn't it? Too late to turn back on his false relationship with Hisagi. It would hurt him even more, it would hurt both.

"I'm sorry..." it was the only thing he could say.

"Sorry is not enough," the blond bitterly stated.

"What can I do to make up for you?" Renji asked, hoping there was some part in Kira that didn't detest him.

"There is nothing you can do. The only thing I wanted, you took it..."

Renji had never seen Kira like this. It was borderline obsession. Certainly he must had something else in his life that was important to him...

"I'll give you anything," Renji said, now hopelessly.

"Then, give me him," he then sarcastically, almost sadly, chuckled. "But you cannot give me the impossible, can you?" he passed by Renji to leave. "Don't talk to me again, I no longer trust you."

And just like that, he left.

Renji didn't follow him this time. He was too appalled. He simply wanted to make Kira forget about Hisagi.

He could only conclude that life was kind of unfair. A simple lie led to the destruction of the only link he had with the blond.

Kira separated from him gradually since he became a Fukutaichou, and Renji now wondered if it was all a test, a sign that he shouldn't have permit him distance himself. What kind of man he was that couldn't even do anything right for the one he loved?

He tried to talk to him, but he didn't try enough. And now he was facing the effects of being unwanted, and surely hated.

He fucked up everything, and Kira didn't want to see anymore. The worst combination for a broken heart.

However, in the back of his head something was ticking, like a clock. Words and images formed in his mind, in what could possibly be his salvation to not lose that blond lonely soul.

Was it despair? Did Kira realize that he was making Renji crazy? That was turning him into a demon? No, of course not. Kira was like an angel, and he could only see good. That's why he loved Hisagi and not him.

He wasn't aware that his feet returned him to Hisagi's office, where the brunet was waiting for him to turn back.

Hisagi looked at him. "How is he?"

"Hurt..." Renji replied sitting next to him.

"What do you want to do?"

"I... How far would you go for love?" Renji asked.

"For you, I would go to wherever my body permitted, and after that I would find a way to go even further."

Renji looked at his senpai, and caressed his dark hair. His brain was still ticking, and the more he let it tick the more he knew what to do...

"My thoughts exactly."

Hours later he found Kira behind a bar they rarely went because of its' bad reputation, sitting on the floor with many empty bottles surrounding him. The blond was drunk as hell, but his pain and anger was still there.

"Why you came here? I don't want to see you ever again!" Kira drunkenly yelled, pointing his finger at him.

"I came, because I'm going to give you the impossible."

And Kira's beautiful blue eyes widen as he saw Renji's hands covered in blood reach him to help him get up.

**To be continued...**

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**Reviews are welcomed.**


	3. 9 - Shitty paths, shitty fates

**Warnings: **Strong language and sexual scene. Non-con? You decide.

**A/N:** This is the last part of this story. Again this is a gift fic for the great** ExtinctionOfReality **that knows how to cheer me up in my good and bad days. Thanks for everything, my dear friend! You're the Shuuhei to my Kira =)

I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope you enjoyed the story overall. (And I really hope it didn't suck^^')

**This was not beta-ed. I apologize for the mistakes.**

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**369 – Life is unfair**

Final Chapter –_** 9 – **__**Shitty paths, shitty fates**_

Hisagi woke up nauseated. His head hurt badly on his left side, and he could feel something gagging his mouth. He tried to open his eyes, but he could only see through his right eye; some kind of tissue or bandage was biding his head and covering the left one.

His mind commanded his arms to rise, and a small bit of panic settle when he realized that he couldn't move at all. He looked up, and still with his blurred vision, he saw black stripes holding his hands and arms together above his head. His legs were spread and both had the same type of stripes, leading to God knows where.

He looked around, and calmed down realizing he was in his own room and futon. Although, the darkness showed he was alone he couldn't help but feel a bit less uneasy for being in a familiar room.

But how did he get there? Why was he tied up? Why did his head felt like he hit it somewhere hard?

The last memories he had were with Abarai. The redhead was with him, and was touching him, but after that... nothing.

Where was Abarai? Did he had some kinky session with him? Because he would be absolutely mad if he had and now had no memories about it. But still, he had a bad feeling about this. There was something in his mind warning him that this was wrong. He just couldn't think of what.

Soon, he heard his door being unlocked. He couldn't figure out who came inside, but he could see a tall figure and a smaller one.

He heard them whisper, but couldn't tell what they were saying.

"Oh my goodness! Hisagi-san!" he recognized Kira's voice, and noticed his figure coming closer and kneeling next to him. The lights turned on, and the undoubtedly Abarai's red hair caught Hisagi's attention.

"What happened?!" the blond spoke, as he watched him. Kira smelled strongly of saké. "W-What have you done to him?" he asked Abarai.

"It's nothing... I took care of him."

"How could it be nothing? There's so much blood!"

Blood?

"What..." the blond tried to said as he watched the bandaged head.

Did Abarai hit him? Was that why his head hurt?

"Hisagi-san? Can you see me?"

"Kira," Abarai spoke from behind.

"Hisagi-san?" the blond ignored him.

"Kira, he's fine. This is for you." And the blond looked back in shock.

"W-what?"

"You asked me to give him to you, so here he is. He's yours, you can do whatever you want to him."

Hisagi's visible eye slightly widen. What was Abarai saying? Weren't they together? Why would he do that?

Don't get him wrong, it's not that he didn't find Kira attractive, but Hisagi didn't like to combine love with loveless sex. And now Hisagi loved someone he was having a relationship with, having any kind of physical contact with other was against his morals. But what pained him the most was that Abarai was giving him to Kira. Why? Sure, Kira was upset seeing them together, but why would Abarai do this? Was he playing with Hisagi and his feelings?

And something he never thought it would happen, occurred...

Kira wasn't denying him. He was actually _thinking_ about it.

"But..." he started, Abarai interrupted him.

"You always wanted him, right? You tried to end every thing because you wanted him, now it's your chance. He's here for you. I give him to you." The redhead sat behind the blond, and looked over the small shoulder.

"Hisagi won't say no, right?" the question was for him, and the brunet was as still as stone. He didn't understand why Abarai was doing this.

Kira looked conflicted. If someone ever asked Hisagi if Kira could ever do something to him against his will, Hisagi wouldn't think twice replying no, because Kira was the most caring person he knew. Kira would put everyone in front of him, and would NEVER hurt another. But now... Hisagi wasn't so sure. Kira was thinking about _using_ him... Was it because he was drunk? Or because he was rejected? Hisagi didn't know the answer to that, but he disliked the situation he was in. He had never seen this side of Kira or Abarai. It was like he didn't know them.

"I..." the blond softly said.

"You want him, right?" Abarai asked closer to his ear. The blond's eyes were darker than usual, he nodded.

"Then have him," with his hand, Abarai grabbed Kira's and put it on Hisagi's chest. Kira's was cold, while Abarai's was hot and sweaty.

"You can touch him," Abarai continued speaking on the blond's ear. "See? He doesn't mind."

Kira's confidence rose a little and he opened the rest of Hisagi's _kosode_ and _shitagi_.

And Hisagi's mind became absent from his body. He couldn't feel or hear anything. It was strange because he knew Kira was touching him, taking his clothes off, but he wasn't feeling it. He was a mere spectator watching from a shell. The shell being his body.

But what he watched wasn't the blond, it was the man behind him that carefully undressed the thin body. And Hisagi captured something he hoped he misunderstood, because if he did understand properly what was happening he would feel worse than a used rag. It wouldn't break him, it would be worse than that, it would decimate him.

Abarai didn't look at him once, but his grey eyes never left him. Not even when the blond kissed his torso, not even when the blond hair slightly tickled on his hips, not even when his _hakama_ was pulled down and a warm mouth covered his member. And it was in that very moment that Abarai looked away from Kira and met Hisagi's eyes, telling him the reason why he was doing all of this. He wasn't able to watch Kira doing what he was doing, all because...

… Abarai had feelings for Kira.

And shit... this was so not fair.

Kira loved Hisagi, and he loved Abarai, and Abarai loved Kira, and life was so unfair, because none of them could have who they wanted...

And shit again... he realized what Abarai was doing... Why was he giving him to Kira... He was trying to stop this circle of unfairness. He was giving to one of them the chance to be happy. He tried to make Hisagi the happy one, but that failed miserably the moment the blond laid eyes on them, so he was now making Kira the one who could at least fulfill his love.

Hisagi couldn't tell if this was a good action from Abarai, or he was simply being desperate.

Kira sat on his knees and sadly looked down. Hisagi noticed at that moment that he was completely limp. He was so absorbed by his thoughts that he forgot about what was really happening. In that moment, it was like he returned to his body, he wasn't a spectator anymore, he was the one tied up in that futon.

Abarai told the blond something in his ear that he wasn't able to understand. Kira made no expressions, but his blue eyes looked up, and while Abarai kept whispering things in his ear, his blue eyes so dead and dull without the usual glint didn't left him.

They send him shivers, as if Death was walking on his grave.

Kira looked empty and dead inside and Hisagi was scared, because he knew he was the one killing him, and making those eyes so gloom and blunt. And while clothes were being removed Hisagi made the decision to not fight back anything that was going to happen. If he was the one killing Kira, then he deserved to pay for all his suffering.

Pale hands spread his legs even more and Hisagi couldn't help but cringe as something hard entered him unprepared. Again and again and again. Kira was merciless as he thrust inside so firmly with no hesitation. This hurt... and Hisagi was sure it hurt the blond too. The raw friction was making him start bleeding, and Hisagi shut his eyes trying to bear the pain. He felt the blond leaning forward and kiss him over the clothe in his mouth, and gradually he stopped moving at all.

Hisagi opened his eyes and saw Kira's completely shut as if he was trying to hold something inside.

And of course he was. Even drunk or desperate Kira knew that what he was doing was wrong.

Abarai leaned forward.

"Kira?"

He didn't reply.

"Kira are you alright?" Abarai asked him again.

This was scaring both of them. The blond started shaking and trembling.

"Kira..."

And low words left his mouth and stabbed Hisagi more than it should have.

"He doesn't want me."

Silence filled the room, and both Abarai and Hisagi shared a look. Kira was no fool, he never was and it was a mistake to think someone could deceive him.

It was beyond pitiful, it was... sad. So damned sad, and even more sad were Abarai's amber eyes begging for help.

"D-Don't be stupid, of course he wants you," Abarai said. "Isn't that right, Hisagi?" and he took off the clothe biding his mouth. His lips hurt even when they opened to speak, and still knowing it was a lie, there was only one acceptable answer to all of this.

"I want you."

And he leaned his head upwards to kiss the surprised blond in front of him. His heart beating painfully against his chest, and he felt a small urge to cry, but he wouldn't, because he wasn't going to disrespect any of them or himself. Crying wasn't something that should be done lightly, much less in front of others.

Kira kissed him back with all he got. He wanted him, and the only thing Hisagi could to for his precious friend was to give him what he wanted... no, what he needed.

All of a sudden, Kira gasped in the kiss, his whole body shivered and his hands clenched Hisagi's shoulders over and over in sync with his gasps.

Abarai's long red locks covered part of Hisagi's face as he leaned forward, kissing and nibbling the blond _Fukutaichou_'s ear. Then his face, and with his free hand he grabbed the blonds cheek, stopping his kiss with Hisagi. And he kissed him instead, his other hand moved frantically, out of Hisagi's sight. But it was obvious he was pleasuring Kira. Their kiss was lewd, tongues and saliva mixing in ways that would make any soul blush. The sight was simply incredible, and for the first time that night Hisagi was hard.

Abarai pulled Kira back with him, and stroke his hard member, covering it with what Hisagi later found out to be ointment acting as lube. And once again, Kira positioned himself between Hisagi's legs and entered him.

It still hurt but not as much as before. Gradually, the pain started to fade away, and sounds of pleasure started to leave his mouth and Kira kissed him again.

The rhythm changed and Kira moaned deeply while Abarai entered him, fucking him hard, so hard Hisagi could feel the power of his thrusts through Kira's cock inside him. The blond moaned on his ear and Hisagi stared at the redhead god behind him. How wonderful this was. It was like it was Abarai the one fucking him. It was so arousing, Hisagi wished his arms were free so he could touch that long hair.

"Kiss me," he asked Abarai, even if it sounded like begging. It was the least the other could do, right? And Abarai did kiss him, never stopping thrusting Kira.

In that very moment, Hisagi felt a heaviness in his heart, like he never felt before. He knew that kiss was pure pity just like the kiss he gave Kira, and it hurt him.

So many years loving Abarai, wishing to be by his side, everyday convincing him that he loved him and that he was the right guy for him. And now it was all taken from him, chewed up and thrown away.

He felt used, but he didn't want to stop either. He was enjoying it. He was enjoying watching Abarai fucking Kira, he was enjoying being screwed by Kira, but that damned kiss... It brought the worst of everything.

Abarai's hand stroke his cock at the same time they kissed, and not longer after, the redhead's mouth whispered "I'm sorry" and he pulled out of Kira, grabbing the blond and making him pull out of Hisagi.

It was an evident thing that Kira was smaller than Abarai, but the redhead look so gigantic as he grabbed the small _Fukutaichou_, pulling him up to sit on Hisagi's member. And just like that they switched places.

Kira was ridding him needy, his cock bouncing up and down, and fuck... Kira's ass was tightening around him, and shit... he almost felt like coming by that.

But what he didn't expect was Abarai spreading Hisagi's butt cheeks and start doing him at the same time Kira rode him. It was the best feeling he ever felt. Having them both owning his body was so fulfilling. Especially, Abarai's big cock inside him, moving vigorously and taking him over the edge.

Kira moved rapidly, his eyes closed and his mouth opened, his features showing pure pleasure, and the moment Abarai's arm snuck around the thin waist and grabbed his cock, the blond came, with a sweet but needy moan. His whole body fell on top of Hisagi's.

Abarai continued fucking Hisagi, making him thrust his hips up still inside Kira. His own voice was out of control. Abarai was so good, hitting every where it felt good.

Shit... he loved Abarai so much. He didn't want this to end. He didn't mind if it would be like this, the three of them, for the rest of his life. As long as he had Abarai Renji touching him like this, making him feel so alive it was enough. Even without loving him back, it would be enough...

And Hisagi came hard enough for him to pass out. His last thoughts before losing consciousness were about how it sucked he couldn't see Abarai climax.

Hisagi woke up not longer after. Kira was still lying on top of him, and Abarai was taking the stripes off his arms and legs.

Their eyes met.

"Are you okay?" Abarai asked him.

Hisagi nodded, "Yeah."

"He's asleep," he said about Kira. Indeed, Kira was sleeping deeply on his chest.

"Why?" Hisagi asked him, "Why didn't you tell me you like him?"

Abarai sighed before answering. "How could I? When every time we met you tell me all those things... How could I've told you that I like another when you confess to me everyday?"

"I know it now."

"Well, you weren't suppose to know."

Was he stupid? How could he not find out, after all they did?

"After what you did... you... why lying? Why did you said yes to me?"

"Because it was only a matter of time before you giving Kira a chance."

It was true... If Abarai didn't want him, and Kira insisted, he would eventually give in to the blond.

"It's no fair," Hisagi said.

"It's not."

"What now?"

"Now, there's two things that may happen. I'm sure you noticed Kira was really drunk. And when Kira is really drunk he usually doesn't remember anything on the next day. So if by any chance he does remember what happened, you will need to give him a chance. If you don't, I won't speak to you ever again. But... if he doesn't remember then I will date you, and we'll face the consequences of that."

"Either case, you never win."

"I don't deserve to win. I hurt you pretty badly, and I don't feel guilty at all. I would do it all over again."

"It's still not fair for you."

"Don't bother about that... And it's not like in one of those cases I completely lose..."

And that was enough to make Hisagi smile.

**369369369**

Hisagi woke up at the sound of someone in his bathroom. He looked at his side, and Abarai was snoring, hugging the pillow.

Knowing who was the one in the bathroom, Hisagi got up and dressed his _shitagi_ covering his freezing body, and went to find a butt naked Kira kneeling in front of the toilet.

Hisagi knelt beside him, and grabbed the blond hair, as he threw up. After a few minutes, Kira calmed down.

"Hisagi-san... I'm sorry I drank so much," he excused himself.

"It's alright, Kira. Do you," Hisagi hesitated for a bit. This was it... the answer to their fates, "remember last night?"

"No," Kira said and then frowned, "your head..."

Hisagi frowned, he had forgotten about it.

"Don't worry it's nothing."

Was it nothing? He didn't care. Kira didn't remember...

There was silence between them. Hisagi felt guilty that he was glad that Kira had no memories. So guilty that as he looked at those sad blue eyes he couldn't help but saying...

"We had sex last night. The three of us."

"I figured that out," Kira said blushing and covering his nudity with his arms.

"Abarai and I..."

"... are together, I know," the blond said looking down.

"Are you upset?"

"No. I'm actually happy about you two," he replied smiling. Was he lying? Was he serious? Why suddenly all the happiness inside Hisagi vanished? Was he disappointed Kira wasn't... jealous?

"You looked upset when you saw us."

"I was just shocked. I wasn't expecting to find you two together. But I'm fine with it. You're both my friends, and you both deserve to be happy," Kira sadly smiled.

And shit... Hisagi had doubts now, because he didn't know if he liked the idea of fooling Kira with his deals with Abarai, or that Kira had such a beautiful smile that made his heart beat faster than normal. Or maybe it was because of the memories of the blond's voice moaning on his ear, or his soft body moving against his own.

Whatever it was the reason, Hisagi knew he wouldn't find out, because he knew it was a dangerous path for the three of them, so he was going to stay oblivious to why he was having so many doubts, the same way he was going to stay oblivious to the fact Kira wasn't asleep last night, and that all the things that happened to three of them, he remembered...

**The end.**

* * *

**Reviews are always welcomed =)**

***I won't exclude the idea of making a sequel, but I won't make any promises. All I can say is that I really like Kira in this story, and if there will be any sequels in the future, he will be the main character.***


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